But the general rule of thumb is if you can make it, you should be there—especially if you have a deep respect for the departed. They will always remember who showed up and and who didn't. Here's another way to look at it: "Two great barometers are the relationship you have with them personally or the reverence you have for the individual," according to etiquette expert Elaine Swann. The memorial for a distant cousin, a friend you lost touch with, a neighbor who's active in the community—they're all worth attending if you have great respect for individual, even if you weren't close.
On the other hand, some argue that you should never skip any funeral you're invited to, so long as your schedule permits and it wouldn't be uncomfortable for the family. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me but the world to the other guy.
But if you simply cannot attend a memorial because you can't take time off work or can't afford to travel, you should at the very least send a card. And, if you're nearby, drop off a homemade meal or dish to the family along with your note cheesy funeral potatoes are always appreciated.
Now there is the old adage that money is not the most important thing in life, and surely it is not. And, how can you put a price on saying your final goodbye to someone you love. For me, it was a car loan but I spoke to them about a dedicated funeral expenses loan, which is one of the services they offer and was quite impressed. To see if you could qualify, check out my link here. Another sensitive consideration is whether or not your presence will create discomfort for the people that will be there.
Sometimes people, especially in the fragile situation of mourning, are not equipped with the patience to deal with uncomfortable social exchanges. A simple example of this is perhaps a former spouse, from a prior divorce, might create unwanted feelings in the current spouse, particularly if the most recent spouse has spent a substantial amount of time with the deceased. Another example might be someone that has caused problems for the family members in mourning or was the bearer of terrible news.
After all the funeral is more of an event for the mourning family as it is for the deceased. So why would considering what the deceased would want to be of any importance?
Look at it this way. The funeral might be a day of mourning for some or a day of a celebration of life for others, but for all, it is a day to remember the lost soul. And what better way to remember someone than to bring into light the wishes and will of the dearly departed. In some cases, this might be attending a funeral even though you are sick, or even if it is too far, or perhaps even if it is too costly, or even if it might make some people uncomfortable. However, it might simply be a reason not to go.
Now, deciding to stay absent from a funeral is no easy choice, and every individual will have different considerations for making the decision or not, I hope that the above has either helped you to justify your absence or the absence of someone else.
If you are the person that has decided not to attend, but you still feel that you would like to do something here are a few tips that you can consider. One possibility is to send something heartfelt to express your regret at not attending.
Some common examples would be. If you need to order flowers for a funeral then I can really recommend BloomsToday. Fingers crossed! A simple phone call might also be enough, especially if you are missed. After that, focus on the memories you have of the deceased and perhaps talk about what you may have said at the memorial if you were present. If your issue is a time-sensitive one, attending a wake can speak a lot on your behalf even if you are going to miss the formal service.
Another reason to attend the wake instead might be if your reason is of the social baggage type. There will be far fewer people hanging around the wake and attending that might cause less of a scene.
One final tip: Whether or not you choose to attend, learn a bit about what you are expected to say and do while at a funeral. This can help you make your decision, especially if fear of the unknown is a factor. After getting out of that relationship the father of my kids never look back for his children, but we live in the same address for 20 yrs and still in the same state. There family was never there for my kids, so is it necessary for me to attend?
He married and moved on…. Thanks for sharing, and for your question. You may if you want to, if you want to support some family members, but you should certainly feel free to do what you think is best. I think it is ok not to go to a funeral depending on the person that has passed away. I myself do not deal with death and the things around it very well that just how I am and there is nothing wrong with that.
Your email address will not be published. But the truth is that there are many reasons why you may not want to go. Sometimes all you need is a different perspective. Every situation is different. To find the answer to this question, all you have to do is consider the family.
In this case, yes, it would be wrong to not attend a funeral. Should My Child Attend a Funeral?
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