So if you need your child to occupy herself while you're getting through your to-do list for example, tidying up the living room , provide a way she can "help"—say, with a kid-size toy vacuum that simulates the real thing. Of course, to your kid, a major part of what makes playtime with you so fun is simply having some companionship. To teach her to not always rely on you as a playmate, give her frequent opportunities to interact with other children, Dr.
Acredolo suggests. Your little one will quickly learn that it's possible to have a good time without you. If you want your child to become an independent thinker down the road, provide plenty of open-ended items for him to play with now, Dr. Troseth recommends. Objects with multiple uses—like blocks, pots and pans, and cardboard boxes—are especially great for encouraging solo play, because all those possibilities can keep kids occupied longer.
The same goes for toys that require a little more work to play with such as objects with buttons, Velcro, or zippers. In addition to considering the type of toys you provide, focus on the quantity. Having a large number of toys can actually make a child more distracted; like adults, toddlers can become overwhelmed when they're presented with too many choices.
In fact, stashing items in the toy box for a few weeks can end up giving them a certain appeal. Acredolo explains. In other words, putting an object away for a while and then reintroducing it is one of the simplest ways to encourage your toddler to play with it for an extended period of time—all on his own. Photo: thetinyacorn via Instagram. Joseph Communications uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes.
Learn more or change your cookie preferences. By continuing to use our service, you agree to our use of cookies. We use cookies why? Hi, my son does very well with unstructured independent play. We have an open floor plan, so while he happily plays alone, he destroys the house in the process. Do you have any advice on getting him to play in his room with more structure? Currently, if I leave the room and shut the door behind me he will scream and cry.
Might quiet-time specific toys help? What happens if you just put him in his room and close the door to play? Or pull it nearly closed so you can see in? Hi Rachel! This post is awesome! I think some days my 3 and 5 year old could do this together, and some days separate. Is it too much to also have her do 45 min to an hour alone also in the morning? That seems like a lot of alone time which was why I was thinking maybe she and her brother could do it together.
Thoughts on essentially 2 times a day of solo play for her? It seems like too much alone time in their rooms! So if they are awake in the afternoon for a while then I skip the morning independent play. Any ideas about what an 4. Your book and your sleeping blog was my guardian angel during the newborn phase in my home. I still using your book until now! My boy is 14 months old and he is a very content boy. He sleep from 7pm — 8am and his is on 1 nap schedule from — 4pm.
All thanks to your book. However I would like to start with the independent playtime. Is it possibble to do it in the living room?
Or do he need to be in his own bedroom only? I feel like he spend too much time in his bedroom because he is a very good sleeper. I hope you can help. Thank you for the reply. Do I need to be out of his sight during that time or I can be in the living room too but I do not involve in his independent time?
That works too. I just happened to stumble upon this and have got some great ideas but I have a question. If like to start independent play time but my husband works from home upstairs where his room is. Any suggestions for independent play time in an open play room? Thank you so much! I love the idea of having independent play time. My Daughter loves to play by herself but oftentimes I know she gets interrupted by my walking through the room or into the kitchen and then immediately she thinks its time to eat, even though she just ate.
We currently live in a one bedroom apartment and her crib is in our bedroom, so she doesnt really have a room of her own. Her toys are currently located in our living room, so finding a room where she can play by herself is really the challenge here. Any suggestions? Hi Rachel. I really have been loving your blog and wishing I found it earlier :0 My son will be 4 in 2 months and is an only child.
He never went to daycare as I worked part time and my mom watched him the other 2 days. Anyway, is it too late? We have a funky kind of house. Any suggestions would help…..
Thank you for your wonderful blog! Rachel, I love this and have been doing it with my son nearly 4 yrs, who would possibly nap but fights it the entire time his sister 18 months is sleeping. This has been going on for months. He will pull the monitor off the wall, take pictures off the wall, dump his hamper, empty his dresser, take the books off the book shelf. It is possible I have too many toys in his room. Sometimes it takes over an hour for him to clean his room after independent play time, I used to help but the behavior would continue.
Now I just coach him through how to clean up mostly on his own, then he wants to play. I have recently tried him having independent play with my near by, but he still is getting everything out or interrupting me. I use the time to volunteer doing computer work or doing house work.
I have an 11 year old dad and an 8 year old SS and a 3 month old baby. My older children are very independent from a young age. We homeschool and worked full time and people would always be astonished how my kids would do their schoolwork by routine and independently. My 8 yo use to wake up very early when he was little and would read or play quietly till the rest of us slept. With my little baby girl she LOVES to be close and held and nursed but in the morning when she is happy I lay her down on her lambskin to play independently while I leave the room to do dishes etc.
It is about minutes depending on the day. Your article was like a lightbulb for me and gave me more ideas on how to keep this up and the fruit of it down the road is a reward. We have an almost 6 yr old and a 2 year old…should the independent playtime be playing without their sibling as well?
I think that is what I am reading…just clarifying! So one goes to one room and the other another room? This would just be on weekends mostly because our oldest is at school during the day. Yes, individual rooms.
It is a profoundly validating experience for children to be able to hold our interest without having to ask or work for it. Without a word of our praise, our appreciation is palpable. When adults play with children in the conventional sense, we almost always end up directing, dominating, or at least altering the course of action somewhat. But once we get this down, it is an incredibly relaxing, satisfying, Zen-like experience. When and how should we respond so as not to interrupt self-directed play?
We simply take cues from our kids, trusting them to request our input, which they usually do by looking at us or expressing themselves verbally. When you tried to put the red block on the top, the green and blue ones fell down. Never say no to a request for help, but ask lots of questions and assist as minimally as possible.
Set limits with confidence, honesty and respect. If it were even possible to force independent play, that would defeat the entire purpose. But it is up to us to quit our job as entertainment director, get our personal work done, etc. In return, our role is to:. I see how disappointed you are. We can do that again after dinner. Develop routine times for independent play so that separation is easier for your child to accept. The more time children spend in passive-receptive mode, the less adept and comfortable they will be playing independently.
Offer simple toys and objects that make for more active, creative play. Instead of offering specific play activities, wait for children to invent their own. The spectacular four part so far series on play by Nadine and Anna of Mamas in the Making.
Photo by sean dreilinger on Flickr. Stay up-to-date with newly posted articles, podcasts and news. Enter your first name and email address:. Please share your comments and questions. I read them all and respond to as many as time will allow. Reminds me of an experience. I once tried to get a roomful of parents to imagine what it might feel like to be two years old, with passivity imposed in so many ways yet autonomy expected on demand.
So I paired them up and had one adult role play the parent and the other the child. The parent-actor had several goals to achieve, unbeknownst to the child-actor somewhat like being a small child and I gave them ten minutes. Very frustrating minutes for the adults playing the child role! Thank you so much for linking to my article, Janet. I love reading everything you write about independent play!
Parenting is such an art, and with every article I learn something new and find a way to improve my relationship with my kids. Thank you! It was much easier the second and third times around. Shop for toys that will encourage this side of him. As a girl I was always able to find ideas to do myself—with dolls, even with books, with fairy godmothers, etc.
He is 22 months now and is perfectly happy to play by himself most of the time, although sometimes he likes to play with us.
From your experience, do children get more demanding about wanting to spend time being directly played with as they enter their 2s and 3s? Secondly, the individual personality of the child will play a bit part in how demanding they are of our attention. Thank you for a great and very timely post for our family, as my husband struggles a lot with this. This has taken some effort on my part over the past few months, but getting the hang of it.
Being on vacation, we had the luxury of watching our son play at a playground on the beach for 5 hours a few days ago, and it was fantastic and zen like indeed, as well as fascinating to just observe what he came up with, how he approached other children, what he liked to observe, what he was able to accomplish. Most of the time, I try to include him, but it is impossible with the many daily chores that I have to do. Any thoughts?
I guess this is where having gates to close off sections of your house is really helpful. They physically cannot join you as you go get busy with a chore. Anna, you sound like youre juggling alot whilst still doing a fabulous job raising your son. I have 2 boys and its intense and brilliant and overwhelming all at once. I believe your awareness of the nurturing and presence that your boy needs is half the battle. When youre with him be fully present and with him — it will be enough.
When you cant be, explain to him what is happening and he will begin to understand — you are imparting valuable life lessons everyday with your consistency, keep going youre doing a brilliant and very touh job x. Thanks for this post, Janet. They are so enthusiastic and pour a tremendous amount of energy into their interactions with their granddaughter.
Thanks for your guidance! Mary — sounds like you have a great attitude toward, and relationship with your in-laws and accept their zealous interaction for what it is. Just FYI, Janet wrote something about this subject well-meaning friends and in-laws you might find interesting. We have a life too and we should continue to live that. Ever since that shift in paradigm for me it was like that it is SO much better.
And I get so much more done. And your posts Janet are of great help in that. And thanks for linking us mamas in there. Nadine, thank you for your comment. For me, I think I needed permission to live life alongside of him. My son is 2. He frequently requires physical redirection if I take care of anything—from food to restroom to cleaning to phone calls. If I so much as answer the phone differently, he immediately engages in destruction….
Mama this is my life! As i type my 27 month old is rolling around on my lap rather than playing with his toys. He knows words, but chooses not to talk. If i try to encourage him to talk he yells, and gets frustrated. He will hang on my pants while doing dishes. If i sit to make a phone call or write an email he climbs me while crying!
I am due to have my 2nd angel in 6 months. We just started time outs. So frustrating. Lol help! Janet, thank you so much for this wonderful post!
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